Thursday, August 8, 2019

What is Mom Guilt?


   Hey moms! I hope you’ve been enjoying the Minor Mom Makeover podcast. I’ve been enjoying coming up with show ideas for you. I try to think of something that is an issue among us moms and will be beneficial to someone. On episode 2 I’m talking about something that I spent many, many years dealing with. Mom guilt… now by definition “mom guilt is the guilt a mother feels anytime she takes time to do something for herself, outside of work that does not involve her children”. As I mention in this episode I do believe there is a bit more to this definition… that I did not make up by the way. 

    In my opinion (because you know I have plenty of those) mom guilt is for working moms, stay at home moms, married moms and single moms. Did I forget anybody? It’s something all moms deal with at some point in time. 

   From the time I became a mom I began to suffer from anxiety and I constantly felt like I was screwing up, so I kept pushing myself to do better. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a good parent but I took it to the extreme. I mean I was throwing little kid birthday parties like it was a Real Housewife franchise! Like I said… extreme! 

   In this episode I’m keeping it all the way real. I’m sharing my personal stories of my own mom guilt. You’ll also hear experiences other moms have gone through but overcame!   

   If you’ve ever felt guilty for going to work, taking time for yourself, or simply wanting to go to your room and close to the door to breath then this episode is for you! 

Listen on...




Photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash

Monday, August 5, 2019

A Minor Mom Makeover Podcast


     So, I did something that extremely excites yet terrifies me. I started a podcast for moms. I know there are a slew of parenting podcasts but let’s face it, there’s also no shortage of parenting blogs either yet here we are. I started A Minor Mom Makeover podcast because I felt there was something missing support wise. Personally, speaking as a mom, I felt lonely. Sure, I have a large family and I’m married but what there is a shortage of around here are friends… genuine friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried. I sought out mom friends through different Facebook groups, through my kids and their friends’ moms and nothing stuck. I was making friends at work, but they didn’t have kids and therefore couldn’t relate to how I was feeling most days. 

     I got to thinking, If I felt that way other moms probably did too, and I was right! For years other moms would ask me for advice or my opinion on something or just plain vent to me! Once I opened my eyes to everything around me I started seeing more and more moms in those Facebook groups post about their issues and how they were suffering from depression, anxiety, and mom guilt. Oh, don’t even get me started on the mom guilt!! I felt awful and wished I could help. 

     It wasn’t until I worked at MAC that I had a real ah-ha moment! A customer, mom of two boys and I got to talking… we tend to do a lot of that at the makeup counter. She told me I had a gift to share with other moms and I needed to find a way to share it. So, this is me sharing what I’ve learned over the past 21 years of motherhood. I’m not perfect, (kinda glad I’m not), I didn’t get a secret handbook on being a mom and I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, but I do believe women are full of magic but when we have kids we forget just how magical we really are. Being a mom is not easy and we tend to lose parts of ourselves while giving so much of us to the kids we raise and the men we love. 

     My goal is to help you create yourself. The new version of you that’s still full of magic but you have a kid(s) now. 

     I want to build a community of moms that support one another and picks each other up when we’re down. We don’t pass judgment and we share stories of our triumphs and our failures. 

     Comparison is the thief of joy. I know I used to compare myself to other moms. Maybe, just maybe if we communicated more and actually shared our stories we would see less of a reason to compare ourselves to anyone because we all fall short in one area or another.  

     So, I’ll be sharing a new episode of A Minor Mom Makeover every week. Right now, while I’m trying to get approved on multiple platforms I don’t have a specific day yet, but I’ll let you know as soon as I can. In the meantime, you can listen to my intro episode and learn more about the podcast and what you can expect. All available platforms are below.

     Please feel free to share on social media and with all of the moms in your life. 

Best,
SJM 

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Legendary Mama Blog is now A Minor Mom Makeover


     For anyone that’s been following me for a while knows this blog or as I like to call it, my little corner of the internet was originally called Legendary Mama. I used it to share my adventures in parenting. I loved being able to write about times with my 7 kids and occupy my time but in doing so I found something I wasn’t expecting… a whole community of moms that also blogged! I found myself excited to post something on my blog and then go look to see what everyone else was doing on theirs. When all of this started I was pregnant and moved across the country from Arizona where I knew everyone to Florida where I knew no one. Having that community of moms helped me cope with a lot of loneliness. This went on for a couple of years. 

     Then after starting a new job that required a lot of my time I stepped away from Legendary Mama. Let’s just say I also wasn’t feeling very legendary. I was juggling kids, a full-time job, a husband and a side business. For the sake of work-life balance, something had to give. So, I walked away from the blog in 2016. A whole helluva lot transpired during that time. I’ll talk about it soon, but I thought many times about coming back to my little corner of the internet I just didn’t know how. In the meantime, home life seemed to be suffering a bit with both mom and dad working crazy hours. Not only that, I was working a job that was unfulfilling, kept me away from my kids, I was tired and uninspired. So, I quit my full-time job and went to work at MAC Cosmetics as a makeup artist… my true passion. 

     However, while I was there I kept feeling like something was missing. Like I was supposed to be doing something I wasn’t. That’s when the idea of creating a podcast for moms came about. It was kind of an ah-ha moment, but I knew I couldn’t just have a podcast with no blog… so here we are. A Minor Mom Makeover. There’s so much more to the story but I wanted to at least address the change first. Mainly because the podcast is already live, and I have no intentions of taking down my old posts. Those stories have so many memories and meaning to me. If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading and stay tuned to find out all about the podcast and learn all about A Minor Mom Makeover. 

Best,
SJM







Photo by Emma Matthews on Unsplash

Friday, November 25, 2016

New Job, Leaving My Kids & Family Emergencies


   November 14th was a really hard day for me as a parent. I felt unappreciated and unfulfilled at my job so I found a new one. More on that at a later time. My new job is here in Florida where I live. However, after I got hired I found out training was in St. Louis Missouri, for 2 weeks… insert sad ominous music here. When I tell you I was sick to my stomach with worry you have no freaking idea. The longest I’ve been away from the big 5 was 2 days for a weekends in Vegas. And as for the youngest 2 I’ve only been away from them for 24 hours. WTF was I going to do without my babies and what were they going to do without me?!?!

   I was excited for the new job. It’s an amazing opportunity. For weeks leading up to the trip I was praying hard!!! I really wanted something to change and I would stay home for training. No such luck. All of my friends told me to look at this as a much needed vacation. I told them I would try but I felt guilty for even thinking that way. What if they needed me? What if someone got sick or hurt? I’d be way too far away to do anything.
   Sunday morning, the day before I had to leave… I sat in my bed and hugged my 2-year-old Jayda and I cried. Real tears. Ugly faced and all.

   I made sure I spent as much time as possible with everyone. I even stayed up until midnight watching cartoons with Jayda. I barely slept at all for the 2 hours I had. I was up at 2am and my taxi came at 3am. I was off for a 5:20 am flight meeting 3 strangers I was in training with. What a way to meet people. I’ll share more of that story on the other blog.
   We arrived in St. Louis for week 1 of training going straight to the office at 10am after our flight landed at 9am. I was way too tired to be stressed about leaving my kids at this point. After work I headed to my cute little extended stay suite. It was a reminder of my first apartment. A studio in Phoenix Arizona in 1996. The last time I lived alone and had only myself to think of. This studio however was bigger and nicer.

   After getting settled in we went to the grocery store and each got food for our individual apartments. Shopping for one was really weird. I mean really weird. I over shopped and still had money left over. Weird.

   I video chatted with the kids every single night, several times a night. By night 3 as I nestled in my bed after going out to eat with coworkers, I grabbed a glass of wine and watched whatever I wanted to in a bed. All. By. Myself. No fighting over the tv. No one stealing the blankets and no fighting period. Wow. I felt good and no guilt at all.  I slept like a woman without a care in the world.

   That quickly changed as I got to work the next day and started getting calls from the hospital down by my house in Florida.

   My husband ended up really sick and needed emergency surgery. So while I’m in training in St. Louis my husband is in the hospital and the kids are at home. Alone. Thank God for my 18-year-old Dee Dee. She handled everything flawlessly. My husband had to be sedated so I had to make all medical decisions by phone. Which meant a couple of things. I was again sick to my stomach, stuck in Missouri until the next day when I was scheduled to come home for the weekend and even if I could catch a flight that day the drs needed to be able to get a hold of me which they wouldn’t be able to do if I was flying. So I sat in my little studio after work awaiting the dr’s call to let me know when he was going into surgery and when it was over how he did. Thank God everything turned out alright. He was in ICU recovering, the kids were taken care of and my close friends came to the rescue and picked me up from the airport the next night.

   When I walked through the door of my house all of my kids ran and hugged and kissed me… all except 1…. Jayda. My 2-year-old shadow. My light. She stood in the Livingroom and looked at me as if for the first time in ages and she cried. Long, hard, sobbing cries. As if she had been holding it in for the whole 5 days I was away. I held her. Rocked her and kissed her as she let it all out.

   The 2 days I had home was spent going to and from the hospital and home. The guilt kicked in again as I had to leave his bedside to spend time with the kids as well as when I left them to go back to the hospital. Thankfully he was out of the hospital Sunday night and I again left at 3am for a flight back to St. Louis. Believe it or not the second time around was harder to leave than the first. Even thou this time would be a much shorter trip due to Thanksgiving I got to leave Wednesday evening.
   This time in a hotel room with a super soft comfy king sized bed I was asleep each night by 9pm. The faster I went to sleep the faster a new day would begin and I could go home. Missouri experiences cold that Florida knows nothing about. While it was raining in the 20s and 30s in St. Louis it was sunny and in the 80s back home. I was cold, lonely and in need of cuddles from my little and big kids. Kisses from sticky faces and to hear “Mom” every 5 minutes. The first week was relaxing and a much needed break. The second week felt like a punishment for enjoying the first week.

   I feel like there is so much I’m leaving out. But I think you get the gist of it. Would I do it again? I can’t answer that right now. Not while the aching still lingers in my heart from my time away. I do know this… we all need a break. There is nothing wrong with a little time away from our families. We can become pretty run down without it. Cranky even. We have to take care of ourselves. So I have decided to check into a nice hotel close to home once in a while. Just me. In a room. A glass of wine. Watching whatever I want. In a bed. All. By. Myself. No fighting over the tv. No one stealing the blankets. No fighting. Just me having me time.


Photo credit: Hernan PiƱera via Visual Hunt / CC BY-SA

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Fashion Tips For The Busy Mom


    Mom is a title that carries a lot of weight and is full of so much responsibility. We spend most of our days tending to the needs of others we can easily forget about our own needs and ourselves. As moms we tend to look as exhausted as we feel but we don’t have to. With just a few basic pieces of clothing, some accessories and a little time you can look like an off duty model instead of an on duty mom.

   Let’s start with the basics. Believe it or not a pair of great fitting jeans and a simple t-shirt is the foundation for a put together look. When choosing your denim go for what is comfortable for you. If you’re not into the latest trends, then don’t attempt them. Hey, distressed denim is not for everyone. Your t-shirt can be a plain solid color or it can be a vintage band tee just make sure it’s not too tight, too short or too long.  I like mine to go to mid hip.  

Every day outfits

   If you’re running around doing errands with the kids opt for cute and comfortable shoes. My favorites are white low top converse. They are comfy, easy to clean and always in style.


All white Chucks




   I stopped using diaper bags a long time ago. Big bulky bags with characters on them just didn’t cut it for me. Instead I just carry a large purse with me that can double as a diaper bag. The key is it has to have a lot of inside compartments.


Big stylish bags


   The next step is makeup. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Where am I going to find the time to apply makeup?” Have a “go to” look. A signature look is a real time saver. Once you’ve done it so many times you begin to get into a rhythm and it becomes second nature to you. What may have started out as a 30-minute process can become 10 once you’ve mastered it. My go to look? Polished brows, dark lips, winged liner and lots and lots of mascara!



   To take your look from day to night is easier than you’d think. Simply dress it up with a pair of heels and a statement necklace.



   I hope you find this advice to be of some help. Give it a try and I bet all the moms at the next PTA meeting will be wanting to know how you look so good!


On the go





Photo via Visual Hunt

Friday, October 28, 2016

Going back to work after being a stay at home mom


   For years I've either been a stay at home mom or I've been fortunate enough to find jobs with pretty awesome companies that allowed me to work from home. I've been so blessed to be home with my younger 2 kids since birth and not leave their sides. Along with that came more time with my older school age kids. I've been able to volunteer at their schools, greet them when they come home and even begrudgingly drive them to school on those dreaded mornings when they've missed the bus. It's been a time full of ups and downs that come with the lack of financial freedom, Lonely days with no adult interaction and no time to myself. Honestly I began to feel like something was missing and I was losing myself. I was no longer Samantha I was just... Mom and Wife. 

   Anyway, I decided to go back to work outside of the home. Dee had graduated high school and works in the evening so I no longer had to fear leaving my precious blessings in the care of strangers. They are safe at home in their own familiar surroundings. There has been a bit of an adjustment period thou. Jr and the “baby” now fight over me. Who is going to sit on my lap? Who is going to lay in front of my if I’m in be watching tv on my side? Really interesting things that have never happened before. I know they will get used to it eventually. It was hard for me at first too. There are still days that are harder than others and I just want to stay home and cuddle with everyone and binge watch Curious George.

   But… on the flip side I like having a place to go. I like being Samantha again. Even more I like being the makeup artist that helps women look and feel beautiful. I get to be me again. 

   I don’t know how long the guilt of not being home with everyone will last. Ultimately I know it’s all in my head. Even thou it doesn’t help being questioned about if I can make it to a school event or something and I have to continue answering with “No, sorry I have to work.”

   Those are the days when I just want to say the hell with this job I'm out! 
The older kids understand. They don’t like it, but they understand. The younger 2 not so much. But that’s life with babies.

   As I write this I am literally hiding in the bathroom from a 2 and 5-year-old. Not just because I wanted to get this off my chest and the bathroom is the only semi-quiet place but because I really wanted to share this with other parents that may be going through this. That’s the whole point of me starting this blog… to share my experiences with other parents so we can feel a little less alone.

   It’s time for me to get ready for work now. Today is going to be one of those hard to leave the house days as I hear my little ones playing in the living room. Windows open, cool fall breeze sweeping through the house.

   It’s also Friday and I work at a makeup store. Which means I’ll be missing the weekend with my whole family. It’ll be ok thou. Right?  


Sunday, July 31, 2016

New Beginnings or Why I've Been Avoiding My Blog


   When it comes to this little blog of mine I can come across as a real flake. I used to post every week and now it’s been months since I’ve posted anything. Believe it or not I think about it every single day. I think about all of the things I’d like to post I just don’t have the chance to. I’d love to post DIYs, recipes and all of the fun things I do with my kids but I can’t. Some days aren’t that great and I just don’t have it in me to pretend. Don’t get me wrong my life isn’t shitty. I just have shitty days. After a lot of thought I feel like those are the exact things I need to be writing about. I figure this blog if anything can be cathartic for me. To help get me through those real parenting days. Those real marriage days. Those days when I don’t feel like a person at all but a machine that gets up first thing in the morning and breaks up kids fight and cleans up behind a sick dog. A machine that takes care of 7 kids and a husband who can be as challenging as all of those 7 kids combined. A machine that gets up before everyone else in the morning just to enjoy a cup of coffee by herself but ends up drinking it cold because no matter how early she gets up the kids can sense her peace and have to wake up early too. Those are the things I want need to write about so I can get it off my chest and don’t self-destruct from holding it all in. I know damn well there are a lot of moms out there that feel the same way I do and they just need to know that they’re not alone. Hell I need to know I’m not alone. So I’m going to stop hiding and avoiding my blog. I’m going to stop not writing just because I don’t have anything great going on. I’m going to write for the sake of writing and keeping it real. If I happen to throw in some DIYs, recipes and cute pics of my kids then that will just be a plus. Here’s to new beginnings.

Featured Post

The time Kim Kardashian was just like us

   Very rarely do we as regular people have anything in common with celebrities especially celebrity parents the Kardashians to be exact. S...